Obviously, I’m not black, but my girls are mixtkids and their father is black. So, I know all about this “good hair” thing that is so much a part of the black community. Both have curls and lots of them. My oldest not only has a lot of curls, but a lot of hair [thanks to my side] [because I have a TON and super thick too]. It wasn’t always like that though.
As a baby, you couldn’t even tell PJ was gonna have curls at all. Month after month, the curls slowly came in. 
By 1 years old, she had soft little ringlets and was constantly getting the “good hair” comments from Ken’s family and most black people in the street. “Oh, so cute. She has that “good hair” and it’s so soft.” Blah, blah, blah.
As the months passed, PJ’s grew and grew and got thicker and thicker. I struggled through each step and used lots of different products [or should I say, wasted] until we found Mixed Chicks, Infusium [in a pinch], Creme of Nature and a Silk pillow case. 
And as the months and years passed, PJ’s hair became so much a part of who PJ is, that I can’t even imagine her without the curly hair.
Now that PJ is 7 and has extremely curly and thick hair, the comments she gets have changed. She no longer gets the “good hair” comment, she gets the “WOW”, you have a lot of hair comment and the “how long does it take to straighten?” and questions to me about, “Does she ever ask to have it relaxed?” Relaxed? WTF? She loves her hair and so do I!
OK…so, let’s fast foward 7 years and here comes our baby, MJ. She was born with that same straight brown hair that only had a little curl when wet, but totally straight for months. Slowly, the curls are coming in. But they aren’t happening as fast as PJ’s. Ken and 
I commented last night that she seems to be a few months behind with curls.
At 12 months, MJ’s hair looks about as curly as PJ’s did at 10 months. I think at 14 months, her hair will be very similar to PJ’s at 12. It’s really fun to watch their hair transform.
But…here’s the kicker. The comments have started up again. This time directed at MJ. MJ is developing her curls slower and the curls are looser [for now]. Plus, PJ is now 7 and has her grown up curls already, so the “good hair” comments have shifted to the baby. “OH, yeah, she has that “good hair” or “I don’t think she’s gonna have hair like PJ at all. It’s definitely not as curly!” [SAY WHAT?]
With PJ, “good hair” comments were annoying, but sometimes flattering [I didn’t know any better]. Now, it kinda pisses me off. See, it’s not just a comment to MJ [meant as a compliment, I know], but it tells PJ that she doesn’t have “good hair”. Even though she does! I would know, I deal with it everyday. To me, “good hair” is healthy hair and it doesn’t matter the texture, curl, thickness or color.
As a mother, I’m probably being over sensitive. 
I know it’s typically not meant in any negative way. I know this “good hair” thing has been around forever and is as common as wanting smooth skin or straight teeth. But, really, is there truly a such thing as “good hair?” What it seems to me is that you’re saying, “good hair” equals “white hair.” As in Caucasian. Am I wrong? If so, then define the term, “good” for me, cause I don’t get it.
As I step off my high horse, I’d like to ask you all a favor. Please, the next time you look at a young child and touch their kinky or curly hair, don’t say the “good hair” comment, even if you mean well. Give ’em a hug instead.
As part of Black in America 2, Lisa Respers France of CNN, did a story on Black Culture and Hair. Mixtkids.com and this post were cited and referenced in the article. If you haven’t already read the story, please do. Great piece!
Deb
/ June 24, 2009I have two mixed girls – first had slightly curly hair until age two, when it came in like gangbusters and was super curly. Second had curlier hair as a toddler but it took years before it was thick and at age 11, still isn’t as curly as her sister’s…although it’s getting there.
Now that they are old enough to do their hair by themselves, I buy the products and then keep my mouth shut. Hard to do as they sometimes leave the house with a mess but they are proud of those curls most of the time. They only want it straight when they comb through it; that’s a lot of work and time.
shauna
/ June 24, 2009you are not being overly sensitive at all. my son is 8 and people, complete strangers even would start up with the ” oh, he has good hair” crap. i bluntly point out to them to never say that to someone who has that texture of hair. people of color suffer enough with esteem issues as a race without having to bring hair into the picture. his father even made a few comments like that. and i quickly nipped that in the bud. i refuse to have my son grow up thinking his hair is better or someone of color hair is worse,
shelia
/ June 24, 2009Why do you say thanks to your side when it comes to your child having a lot of hair? Black people have a lot of hair too and long hair for that matter if you didn’t know. Please make sure you refer to the “black people you know” and not black people, because not all black people use those terms about hair that you mentioned before.
Susan Coonrod
/ June 24, 2009Any hair can be “good hair”. My daughter-in-law has naturally curly hair that was a real trial to her mother while she was growing up. A friend of mine recommended a book titled “Curly Girl” which is available at Barnes and Noble. In it the author (a professional stylist with naturally super-curly hair), explains how deal effectively with the curls — regardless of how tight or loose they are — including recipes for simple home made treatments that have saved my daughter-in-law over $500 in the last year. She reports that her hair is in better condition than it has been in decades — and isn’t that what “good hair” should be about?
Nicole Perkins
/ June 24, 2009As a “mixtkid” myself, I too have experienced many of the same “good hair” comments that you are talking about. I’m 24 now, but until I was about 14 my hair was very difficult to get under control. I often couldn’t get a brush through my hair and eventually had to cut it very short to look presentable. My hair changed around the age of 14 and it’s now much more relaxed and instead of having ringlets I now have wavy hair. I am often mistaked for being Latina or Haitian instead of mixed or black as I was growning up. I say all this to say that now I get the “good hair” comments and I didn’t before. But I don’t see it as equating “good hair” with “white hair”, because my hair is far from “white.” I think “good hair” simply means easy to manage. Some of my black cousins hair is difficult to style. And because hair is such an important thing in black culture, looking unkept is a very bad thing. I think what black people are trying to say is that “good hair” is hair that will allow you to do with it what you’d like. Be that corn rows or straightening, for some black women their hair controls them, not the other way around. I wouldn’t be too insulted about the “good hair” comment I’ll give you one to look out for. When I straighten my hair (which takes 20 mintues, hence the “good hair” comments) it looks like a white person’s hair. It’s very soft to the touch as well. One of my guy friends was making a comment about the rough texture of black peoples’ hair. I said that’s not always the case and let him touch my hair. He exclaimed is complete shock, “Wow! It’s just like normal hair!” Now that’s something to take offense to.
Amy Keys
/ June 24, 2009I use Mixed Chicks shampoo, conditioner and the leave-in stuff. Which product of Creme of Nature do you use? I hadn’t tried them before. Same on the Infusium – which one. Would love to try those also. Although I do love our Mixed Chicks things.
sdmom22
/ June 24, 2009Your right Shelia, my comment does sound as though I am the only one with “a lot” of hair. Oh, I know Black people have a lot of hair too because my hubby’s sister has tons. I’m just referring to the fact that of our two genetics as “parents”, I am sharing my gene pull with the thickness and amount. This is meant for just my own family.
sdmom22
/ June 24, 2009Susan! Thank you so much for the book reference. I will definitely check out the book and post a link on my site. Any help for parents and kids struggling with curly hair is good in my book! Saving money is just icing on the cake!
sdmom22
/ June 24, 2009Nicole. I think you’re right when you say that good hair may be easier to manage and will definitely try to look at the comments in a more positive view. And yes, the comment made to you, that you’re hair “is just like normal”. That was definitely offensive. Thanks for the comment!
sdmom22
/ June 24, 2009Creme of Nature just changed their shampoo and I’m not liking it too much. I’m gonna try again and see if maybe the went back. Of the Infusium, I like the moisturizing formula, but it’s just in a pinch. Mixed Chicks is still our preference! Do you have any suggestions on other product you like? I’d love to hear and share!
Drury
/ June 24, 2009I am a mother of two “mixtkids”. My oldest is 4yrs old with a lot of tight curly hair. My youngest (20 months) so far, has less hair but the curls are starting come in (time will tell). I have struggled with my oldest daughter’s hair since she was a year old. Our stories are very similar. I have been using Curly Q’s leave in moisturizer and Deva Curls shampoo and conditioner. I have been happy with them but it can be very expensive. I could use some help finding different products. I will try your suggestions. Thanks for the information!
Monica
/ June 24, 2009I am so happy to find this site but need to jump in with a different perspective on the “good hair” issue. I am black and my son, who has hair like his father, is giving me fits trying to work with! It is straight, with a very gentle curl. Luckily, he is still a little boy and just looks cute with it messy on his head, but trying to find a style for him has taught me to love and appreciate my own hair so much more. Black hair is so versitile and allows for so much variety in terms of length and texture. My older son, whose hair is the same texture as mine, has had everything from a ‘fro to dreads to a short slick cut perfect for summer. I want to know how to explain to my younger son why he can’t have a cool Afro, like his older brother (which he wants desperately!). I really don’t have a clue how to help him with his hair as he gets older and needs a style that suits his personality, and works with his hair type.
P.S. I say I am black, not African-American because my family is like so many American families and includes people from all over the planet. I have no problem with those who want to use the term African American, but for me that negates the contribution from too many of my ancestors.
Bridget
/ June 24, 2009I am Black and I have typical Black hair. I’ve been told my whole life that I have “good hair”. It’s not naturally straight, but it’s medium-long (which is a little unusual). My hair was “good” because of length, not texture. Good means different things to different people.
I think you *are* being too sensitive. If someone were to remark about you having good skin, it doesn’t mean everyone else has bad skin. The same with hair. Some hair *is* better than others, it doesn’t mean all other hair is bad.
sdmom22
/ June 24, 2009Hi Bridget. I see your point and you’re right, Good probably does mean different things to different people. I have been known to be over sensitive in regards to my kids. 😉
Jamie
/ June 24, 2009I came upon your site reading a cnn article. I am a mom of a biracial child and I 100% agree with what you wrote. My daughter is 13 now but growing we got the you such good hair. As she got older and the curls got curlier it was You have so much hair or are you going to straighten it? Why should she straighten it anyway???? I always tell her to embrace her curls. She has a rough time with it sometimes. She can’t “throw” her hair up in a bun or pont without it taking 10 minutes. She has to always comb it out when she goes in a pool(which can take a 1/2 hour!!) But I think she is starting to realize-no one has hair like her and it is def beautiful. I have tried EVERY product you can think of. For us Tresemme’s curly line has done wonders for her hair. Even her hairdresser said it. and she uses some John Fredia serum as well. Question, where do you go to get your daughter’s haircuts?
sdmom22
/ June 24, 2009WOW! We have so much in common! Thanks for the suggestion on Tresemme. I will try, for sure! I’ve used John Fredia, but didn’t work too well for us. I think my daughter’s hair was too thick and I’d have to use the whole bottle. 🙂 As far as haircuts, I do it. We’re actually gonna trim this weekend. I will document & post. Funny though, to trim it, I straighten it, so I can make sure it’s straight. My daughter loves it straight too. Can’t fault her for that, right? But, I do hope, like you, that she continues to love her curls and understand that it’s what makes her unique. Maybe you can use my community forum to see if there is a hairstylist in your area that is good with curly hair. I’m still searching for one in San Diego. My daughter did want her hair short this summer, but I’m afraid to do more than a trim and mess it up. Thanks again for the product suggestions!
Debbie
/ June 24, 2009Just looked at your website and had a question. Why a silk pillowcase?
sdmom22
/ June 24, 2009Cotton pillowcases tend to grab the hair and can create more knots. Silk causes a lot less tangles. Not too mention it feels good. 🙂
Nicole Perkins
/ June 24, 2009I was just reading the comments from some of the moms comments and as a mixed race child with a white mother I find some of these comments very interesting beccause I am much older than your childern are. I thought I’d give a little advice from my experience. I am hearing that you as mothers are offended by people’s comments about your childrens’ hair. But how are your childern reacting? What I’m trying to say is your daughters are watching what you do. And if you make a big deal out of things like this they will too. Rather than attempt to retrain society why don’t you teach your daughters that people are often ignorant and might say stupid things. Focus on how they learn to cope with comments like that because I guarantee you they won’t be stopping any time soon. And as time goes on you won’t be there to protect them. I have had to encounter instense racism even within my own family. And I can handle it because my mom, in particular, taught me that I was beautiful and special but that this world is not going to coddle me.
april
/ June 24, 2009I have 4 mixed kids…11, 9, 5 and 20 months. The 11 yr old and baby are girls, and they both have beautiful soft brown curls. It’s almost as though they have an exactly 50/50 mix. It’s absolutely beautiful, but VERY difficult to take care of. It’s too soft and “frizzy” to be able to get it corn-rowed, or put into twisties, or any other style that could last days or even weeks. It’s too thick and curly to be able to wake up and brush it out, or up into a ponytail and go. It can be straightened, but by the next morning it has to be done again. (although I have never thought of trying a silk pillowcase) So, while they are little they walk around with a messy mop of adorable curls on their heads, and when they are old enough to care for themselves they walk around with frizzy, somewhat matted mops of adorable curls on their heads. I have never been told they have “good” hair, I don’t know if I should feel insulted or not. My boys both have very course hair, and for some reason the curls grow in uniform rows. If I let their hair grow out, they wind up looking like someone put curlers in horizontal rows and then took them out and forgot to comb it through. So, I buzz them about once a month. Easy enough. They couldn’t care less. My 11 year old hates her hair, and we argue constantly about whether or not it’s beautiful. I tell her the grass is always greener…people with straight hair want curls, short people want to be tall, blue eyes want brown, blah blah blah. She knows it too, she has white friends who hate how thin and limp their hair is, and black friends who beg their mothers for relaxers. Such is life. I do want to try that mixed chicks stuff though, I had no idea such a thing existed. What stores carry it?
april
/ June 24, 2009btw…your girls are BEAUTIFUL!!! I absolutely love the beach picture. now that’s what life is all about.
Papaw
/ June 24, 2009I am a 58 year old white male with 7 grandkids, 3 mixed race. I do not understand this “good hair” stuff. I think the pic of PJ is beautiful. I love a head full of curls! My grand daughter has long curly hair and she is gorgeous. No she really is! lol
Anyway, what is important is for the girl to feel good about herself and as sad as it is needs to learn to be herself and not let others opinions hurt her. As soon as she learns she can teach me….
It is frustrating to me that people cannot keep their opinions to themselves. I always wonder if they ever think how they make others feel, or care.
Beautiful family keep up the good work mom and dad!
ray
/ June 24, 2009I saw the CNN article and came to this website. it is really interesting to read the comments here.
You initially said it right when you said your side of the family has a lot of hair. Lets face it. African hair is not like any other hair and i think that is what you meant when you said it. Not only in outward appearance but under the microscope African hair is an extremely different hair from other races. I have been in Botswana and Cameroon (in Africa) where there are no mixed race kids and the Africans just do not worry about their hair and its not even treated as hair per se, more like a thing they dont worry about. Also, they do not have the money to care about their hair. Getting 3 meal a day is a big challenge in most of Africa so rarely do you see folks worry about hair. And they seldom wash their hair so they do not have the problems that people of African descent have in the West, particularly in the US.
The gene that drives the African hair is a very dominant gene. So if you have mixed race kids, chances are for the generations to come will inherit rather difficult hair to manage and it can be very expensive too. Only Nicole Perkins above got it completely right. Stop discussing it from now on except in a forum like this one! You are making your kids even more self conscious in a negative way.
shelia
/ June 24, 2009Thanks, love the website.
sdmom22
/ June 24, 2009April,
The Mixed Chicks site has a large number of salons that carry the product. Also, you can purchase direct and they ship FAST. BTW, the grass is always greener, isn’t it? So keep on keepin’ on. That’s the point I’m trying to make. Be happy in your own skin. Good job, MOM!
sdmom22
/ June 24, 2009Papaw,
Wish I had the magic serum. Comments hurt and my girls are not immune. However, my oldest is well aware of self and the beauty from within. We had a long discussion with her about that very issue tonight at dinner. I have no worries. But, my idea is not to just make sure she has a “thick skin”, as others suggest. I think our children can be much more powerful. I think they, as a generation, can change the Nation’s thinking on race and ethnicity. “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” ~ Maria Robinson
Kimberly L
/ June 24, 2009Hi..I just found out about your Website it was in one of CNN stories i was reading. My children are mixed. And let me tell you, NOONE thinks that my son is mines!! lol After he was born (2 weeks old) I was leaving Vons and a lady was going in to shop. She grabbed my cart, and stopped me and said that I wasnt going anywhere. And she called the Police on me cause she thought I stole this child. Im African American and my husband is white. And at that time my son was born he was white, blond hair and blue eyes! So you know what kind of look I got from her!! After everything was straightened out, I was really shocked at how i got treated. my son is still not dark, has a ‘Surfer tan’ and has dirty blond hair! My daughter on the other hand is alot like your daughter, just a little lighter! But that hair!!! Sometimes she wants is curley and soemtimes she says, Mom Im tired of these curls! lol I have been living in Germany the last 8 years (husband is from here) and noone really cares that the kids are mixed! That kind of suprised me too.
Alice
/ June 25, 2009I´d just like to add that “good hair” is a relative term. My family has mostly straight, stringy, limp, mouse-colored hair, and very little of it. I, for some reason, developed curls in my teens (similar to your big girl, just lighter color). Everyone in my family envies my curls, and says I have the “good hair”!
Amanda
/ June 25, 2009I’m a mixed kid, now 21 y.o. and I grew up with the “good hair” comments. I also experienced the transition where “good hair” wasn’t so good anymore because it became difficult to manage and control. Unfortunately, I gave into the pressure to conform when I was in high school and began chemical relaxers. And I was suddenly “beautiful” again. As I’ve grown older and wiser, I regret that decision all the time. I’ve tried to phase out the relaxers and regrow my full curls, but after so much chemical damage, it will never grow the same again. Keep your girls being proud of what they’ve got! Cause all too often you don’t know you’ve got somethin good til its gone.
Melissa
/ June 25, 2009Beautiful article. I read the CNN one and then came to your site.
I am pregnant with a bi-racial child and my partner and I are so excited. Neither he or I has ever defined ourselves or the world by race. As soon as we learned we were pregnant, I was so curious if we’d have a girl or a boy. Now that I know we’re having a girl, I know I’ll have to figure out how to work with black hair (thankfully his sister and family are wonderful and I know I can ask them!). But you know what, I’m so excited. I just know she’ll be beautiful, regardless of curly or straight or zig zag hair, lol. I plan to keep her hair as natural as possible, I think the curls will be adorable.
And my partner and I always joke because I’m Italian and my hair is oily, it has to be washed daily at least. I also rarely use lotion, my skin just doesn’t need it. Well, he is always lathering in lotion and black hair usually needs a lot of moisture (he keeps it short, so he doesn’t use much product). So, I told him… we’re the perfect match! My greasy italian hair and his african hair should blend together in a nice balance!
We cannot wait until October to meet our beautiful little girl!
sdmom22
/ June 25, 2009I hear that same sentiment, all too often, Amanda. And, very true, you never miss what you till it’s gone. All I can do is continue what I’m doing with my girls and hope the foundation is set deep enough to take them through the teen years. I think that is the true test. Those are tough years ahead, with respect to peer and societal pressures.
Melissa. The hair your child will have could vary so greatly! And it will take many years before you will know what her hair will be like, truly. Enjoy her, love her, cause they grow fast [my little one is already 13 months!]. 🙂 But seriously, if you have struggles, ask questions, experiment with product and styles and have fun. All the things you can do to straight hair, you can do to curls. I promise!
Tabitha
/ June 25, 2009Hi there! Just dropped in to take a look at the site. Like some others, I came here by way of a story on CNN. I am of bi-racial descent, my mother being black, my father being white. My hair is decidely in the middle, not too curly, not too straight. I have received many comments, from the “good hair” comments, to the assumption that my hair was actually a weave. And some of these people making comment were friends! Some stylists have been apprehensive about cutting, styling, etc. because they weren’t trained to deal with “mixed” hair. Okay, so I came on to say thanks for the site and being able to open a little of your world to us. Your girls are beautiful, and don’t let comments get you too upset. They are not usually malicious, but are due to a lack of understanding.
Lerone
/ June 25, 2009I almost didn’t go to this site (didn’t see the point) even though a friend sent me this link and told me to. I clicked on it out of curiosity and I am glad that I did after reading this post.
I am a black man with a bi-racial baby daughter ( ½ black and ½ white).
Whereas I appreciate any favorable comments that my baby daughter gets regarding how cute she is, including that she has pretty hair, I also get annoyed with the “good hair” remarks. I understand that the “good hair” mentality is for the most part generational yet it is also gives credence to the old racist school of thought back in the day when black features were very much still considered ugly and beastly. During which time anything that was “white like”, i.e light skin and/or straight, wavy and/or Caucasian textured type hair was deemed to be better than the black kinky, frizzy or nappy hair. Unfortunately it is old school blacks that perpetuate this nonsense of “good hair” which again, insinuates that anything else other than Caucasian textured hair is bad hair. Nothing could be further from the truth. Regardless of the texture of someone’s hair, all types of hair can be deemed good hair if it is healthy, clean, conditioned, groomed and styled correctly.
Before my husband and I found out that we were having a girl (via a surrogate) we had hoped for a boy for practical reasons. Being same sex male couple we didn’t have a whole lot of experience with doing little girls hair and/or dressing little girls. We thought, “boys are easier, you cut their hair, put them in some jeans and a t-shirt and send them on their way” LOL. However, I cannot tell you how many comments we got (only from black women) that we’d better hope that she has “good hair.” As a black man I knew what they meant but was annoyed that this notion still floated around. Furthermore it was totally off base of what we meant about having to do a little girls hair. What we meant had absolutely nothing to do with the texture of her hair and understood that ANY girls hair (black, white, hispanic, a combination of all, bone straight or kinky as carpet) takes time to prepare and style. What’s so hard to understand about that?
Our beautiful daughter is now here, she has a head full of straight hair with one little cute curl at the top when we put it in a pony tail. Now the comments have escalated from good hair to we better hope that it doesn’t fall out and nappy hair grows back in place of the straight. She is now 7 months old and only a small spot in the back of her head has fallen out. The rest of it is still straight and the new hair coming in is also. Stop the madness and stop with these antiquated notions of good and bad hair. First be glad that your kid has any hair, second, treasure and work with your kids hair to the best of its potential no matter what texture of hair they have.
sdmom22
/ June 25, 2009Thanks for the support, Tabitha. And yes, I do realize that comments will come in all shapes and forms. Some mean, most not. This blog is about bringing awareness and community to the growing number of multiracial families out there. Sharing my stories and thoughts will definitely open me up for criticism and support, but I’m a grown woman and can take the good, the bad and even the ugly. 🙂 Thanks for visiting and sharing YOUR story!